I'm new to this online blogging thing. I'm not trying to impress anyone with my profound and deep views of life. I know what I know, and I continue to learn. This just seemed like an easy outlet for a girl who has started dozens of journals in her lifetime, but never manages to get past the first few entries.
I'm a simple soul. I love the Lord with all my heart, and though I continually fail Him, I am so thankful that He hasn't ever failed me. I am grateful in the knowledge that He will not ever fail me.
There is one major issue in my existence, one huge problem that haunts me every single day, and that is the fact that this simple, God-fearin' girl doesn't have a child yet. I may or may not go into major details on this venue, but suffice it to say that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. Allow me to quickly vent my (least) favorite comments regarding my situation from well-meaning, albeit uninformed, shall we call them "helpers?" (along with the ugly things I think, but don't say aloud):
**"Just relax and it will happen!" - What will happen? I will spontaneously ovulate, even though two years of medications, injections, and surgery haven't made that happen??? Ok, Doctor, I'll just relax! (note the sarcasm)
**"Stop thinking about it, and it will happen. You're thinking about it too much." - One of my favorites. Yes, you are correct. The fact that I haven't yet born a child is a direct result of my overactive mind.
**"Just adopt and you will end up pregnant." - This comment is usually followed by a miracle anecdote about a sister/cousin/coworker/aunt's brother's niece twice removed did the same thing and POP ended up pregnant. Wow! What a revelation! I didn't know that adoption was the answer to all forms of infertility! To think, I've been pouring money into medications when the answer was right there all along! I don't think this will stop the yearning I have to bear a child of my own. It's not that I don't think adoption is our answer; I just don't think it's our answer yet.
**"I don't think you've prayed about this enough" or "It's all in God's timing. Just be patient" - These and other such comments are so hurtful, because (and this may not have been their intent) they make me feel as if I'm being singled out as not having consulted God in all this. That because I haven't done my duty as a Christian, God has not granted me a child yet. I CONSULT GOD ABOUT MY SITUATION EVERYDAY. I believe He is the ultimate healer, and He alone is my strength. He isn't withholding blessings because I have not been a good enough Christian. If this were the case, NONE of us would EVER receive blessings. No one is "good enough." We are all sinners. God doesn't choose to bless only those who are righteous enough, because NO ONE is righteous enough. If any of us were righteous enough, we wouldn't need Him, and boy, do I need Him!!
**"Are you pregnant yet?" - Need I reply? This one is just ridiculous. Sometimes I want to say, "Why yes, I am. I'm actually 8 months pregnant with triplets. Can't you tell?" Or maybe I should just burst into tears and cry out, "Do I really look that fat???" I assure you that everyone in the state of Arkansas will hear me shout it from the rooftops when God blesses me with a child. There will be no need to ask such a question.
**"Take mine for the weekend. You'll be sending them back soon enough." - I wasn't aware that there were rental programs available . . . enuff said.
There are many, many more that I've personally been privileged to hear. Regardless of the sarcasm in my post, I really do understand that those who have said these things meant no harm. Most really do care about me and want to help. Sometimes, though, I just need a silent, listening ear. Prayer works, God sends down His comfort, and when I'm done ranting, He's there with a still, small voice reminding me of what's truly important.
4 comments:
am i allowed to laugh? some very great thoughts mixed with a little comedy in sarcasm! :) believe it or not, i understand, even though i'm on the other end of the spectrum. i get those same looks, and some pretty stupid remards, too. because i really do not look old enough to have 4 children. and besides, 4 is socially unacceptable, anyway. you know, "don't you know what causes that?" to "how old ARE you?" to "didn't you already have 3 girls?". kind of remarks. people are silly. and most of them don't realize it.
i can't imagine how hard this walk is for you. and you are not nuts for wanting a baby so badly. that's the way god designed us. you are, after all, a woman. and if you're anything like me, when i want something, i'm consumed with it. and i know there is nothing i can say that will comfort you, though i so wish that i could. you are such an amazing woman, and i don't know god's plan for you, but it's gotta be good, because he wouldn't waste such a wonderful mother. hang in there, carrie. he won't be silent forever.
the only good thing about this wait you have having to endure is that when that precious baby does get here, he/she will be sooooo loved because of all the trails you guys are dealing with. your child will always feel so valued, and so wanted, and that's a great way to feel!
I think most of your rude commenters MEAN the best, but don't convey that too well.
I had both my kids very prematurely, and I can't tell you how many said how LUCKY I was not to "make it to the end months of pregnancy when you get really fat" and things like that.
DUH. That's great, isn't it!
You don't know me, I saw your link on Brandy's blog and wanted to say hello and lend my support. (I"m Mandy by the way lol) I went through fertility treatments and surgery to get pg with our new baby boy Samuel. It took about a year and I was heartbroken the entire time.. I cannot imagine how you must feel going through it for this long. All of what you wrote hit home for me too... two I was fortunante to get to add (since we had two children already.. that we had NO trouble getting pg with!) was: "You've already got two... you should just be happy!" and "If you've gotten pregnant before you can do it again." Oh.. the ignorance of many! I too felt like God had singled me out.. especially when THREE of my good friends popped up pg when we were trying.. all three found out they were pregnant within weeks of each other. I've never cried so much! Just sending some hugs and understanding.. though I could never understand your exact situation.. I have 'somewhat' of an idea.
Welcome to the world of blogging. for the record from what I have seen in the south, all you have to do to get pregnant is give away everything you own and all of your money. Nothing will get you pregnant in the south faster than poverty. Good Luck.
Post a Comment