Summertime blues

Why do I do this to myself? Every summer it's the same song and dance. I get to July (which is uncomfortably close to school starting again), and I get down in the dumps. Frustrations over many unfulfilled dreams, two in particular, begin to surface once again, and my husband goes through his "I'll be supportive by making you get out of the house for awhile" phase. I play the "what if?" game with myself over and over, eventually coming to the conclusion that the days will keep on passing by, and soon I'll be up to my neck again with football games, marching contests, and band music.

I have two major goals that I have never even attempted to fulfill. Both of these goals are career-related, and let's just leave it there. I only discuss these goals with my husband, so I'll just refer to them as "the big two." Now before I launch further into my post, Brandy and TJ, if you're reading this, NO, this does not mean I am quitting or even entertaining the idea.

"The big two" are two things that I have always, always wanted to do. One of these "big two" was something that 2 high school teachers and 3 college professors told me I should be doing, something in which I would probably be very successful. (Disclaimer - the "big two" have absolutely nothing to do with anything illegal or otherwise degrading.) However, I went into college with the same head of steam as every other entering freshman and decided to go a different direction. Maybe I chose the other path because of an underlying fear of rejection, but nevertheless, here I sit . . . a band director, a teacher . . . wondering if I made the right choice.

This isn't just a case of "the grass may be greener." I LOVE MY JOB. The kids are amazing, and I am blessed to work in such a supportive environment. Music is, and always has been, an extremely important part of my life. But, every summer I go through this period of blue-ness as I examine what my life is, what it was, and what it may be in the future if I keep on this path.

That's when I begin to pray. The Lord helps me realize that He's led me here for a reason, and that His decisions are not based on my likes, dislikes, etc, but on His perfect plan for my life. That's when He reminds me to put the past behind, leave the future up to Him, and serve Him in the present. Eventually, I feel better, more joyful. August rolls around again, it all starts anew, and I jump into the crazy world of band directing with both feet and MUCH faith.

The longing for "the big two" doesn't ever stop, but it becomes bearable when I realize that God has a much bigger, better plan in mind for me. But that doesn't stop me from writing a cheezy blues song about it (and yes, I meant to have grammar mistakes in it). Feel free to sing this as you read. Have a friend sing the back-up singers' parts that are in parentheses. Harmonica optional.

Summertime Blues

Being a band director
Doesn't have many frills
It's alotta hard work
But it do pay the bills
Sometimes I get sweaty
Sometimes jus' plain mad
But that sho ain't what's makin' this girl feel just so sad

I got the blues
(summertime)
I got the blues
(summertime)
The "big two" blues
(summertime)
Oh, yeah
(summertime)
I got the big two wantin' schooltime's hauntin' summertime blues

Thank you fans. Next performance: tomorrow morning in the shower.